My Dangerous Beauty

Yes You Do, We all Do!

Do you remember watching the film the original Doctor Doolittle with Rex Harrison, in the film there was a lovely creature that was a two-headed Lhama and it’s name was a ‘PushMe PullMe’?

Cute isn’t in a weird kinda way.  You gotta look at it, but at the same time be repelled.

We do PushMe PullMe’s in our relationships with ourselves and others.  Another name for them is a ‘double bind’.

What do I mean by that?  “Saying one thing and doing another.” both internally and externally.

If you are doing PushMePullMe, you will be creating contradication and confusion in your own internal life and in the life of another.  And you’ll never get anywhere.

If you are receiving PushMePullMe’s you will be receiving mixed messages, that in the end they will just drive you crazy and you wont know which way you are going in the end.

PushMe PullMe’s create discords and are out of harmony with your internal centredness when you or another person does them.

They also create dis-ease.

Just thinking about some examples, that famous line by Bill Clinton “I did not have s*x with that woman”, could be considered a discord.

Some men do it all the time, when they persue a woman ardently but they dont really want to claim her ie get married which is of course is sometimes what she wants.

They just want to persue (actually they love ‘pursuit’), but they have no idea what they are going to do with her (accept perhaps sexually) once they have her.

In this case, women make the mistake of feeling that the heavy pursuit actually means I want you.  Sometimes it doesn’t.

Women do PushMe PullMe’s all the time with themselves.

When we play games with ourselves like ‘He loves me, He loves me not”, when we sit in this question we are constantly making ourselves crazy and creating dis-ease, tension within ourselves.  We do it when we interpret his actions and we want to dismiss the little voice inside of ourselves that are telling us which way he is really going and we make ourselves wrong.

Now of course, I just made some lofty general statements but sometimes it is easier to do that then to try and explain the nuances, so please excuse.  Not all men and not all women do this.

One of the reasons these discords exist is because often we aren’t comfortable enough to sit in our absolute truth and have it heard. Or feel we will not be loved, if we dared to speak it outloud.

Men for example don’t want to hurt women, which is really beautiful, but this sometimes leads to them half telling their truth.  Sometimes they leave ‘bits’ out.  Women consider that lying and being untruthful, men consider that ‘leaving bits out’ or not the whole truth.

But there is a kind of truth that a man can tell when it is from his heart, and even if the women doesn’t like hearing what is being said at all and it hurts her, she can still feel the bigness of the truth (it rings clearly like a bell).  Women want this deep truth in a man’s heart.  It reveals and relieves so much tension in a woman’s body, because she knows deep down this truth, and something often comes to rest, the gnawling feeling finally rests.

And what some women will do in this day and age is pretend that they don’t want to be in a committed relationship even if they do, to catch a ‘him’.  They create PushMe Pull Me’s, even if there deepest heart is saying something else.  Like a game of cat and mouse.

Several months ago, I had a female client who was being very heavily pursued by a man.  He turned the charm on big time and it was always hard to say no.  He uttered all the right magic words for her at least ‘marriage’, ‘babies’, ‘wanting to settle down’.

She loved it and it was turning her world upside down.

She in turn was playing the game of wanting to be in relationship, but not wanting to appear needy or desperate.

This beautiful woman was in her mid 30’s, and I said to her that she should be straight up with him, tell him that she doesn’t want to be mucked about with.  To call him on his pursuit.

That she wants to get married and have kids.  After all he was saying all the right things – did he really mean them?  She needed to call in his deepest truth, and unfortunately he wasn’t able to access it, but it became obvious to her that he was more interested in pursuit and just knew what to say.

She let go of him and she sobered up.

The game that a woman plays in looking like she doesn’t want a relationship, but deep down she does, that’s a double bind too.

So look for the PushMe PullMe’s in your own life and see if you can wake up to the havoc they create in yourself and in another.