I received this question from a woman on understandingtheoppositesex.com, and it felt valuable to post here.
Help Me!!!
I dont seem to be able to maintain a relationship with a guy, past the first couple of dates. As soon as I start to really like him and want to move towards a relationship (and after we have been intimate), I am told I am too needy and they leave me. I am a wonderful flirt and can get dates all the time and I really like getting guys to ask me out on a date, but I dont seem to have the technique for keeping them. I feel like 2 different women - a sane one before I get hooked on him and a psycho one afterwards.
Any suggestions?
Jesse
Perth, Australia
Hi Jesse,
Thanks for your question. A couple of things spoke to me through your email, the word ‘Needy’ and that you can get dates all the time and that you feel like different women once you’ve slept with him.
One of the things that women do when they date, is they date in a heartless manner, to protect themselves from being hurt, and they forget that they are doing this.
A woman’s heart is deeply connected to a women’s pussy. So once you sleep with him, your heart then joins the game.
And he didn’t know that element of you, your heart had never been on a date with him before.
Now if he is a good guy and genuinely interested he will stick around and discover all of who you are, or otherwise he will declare that the relationship is over and move on. But all the while your heart is now involved. If he runs away it is because he didn’t meet all of you in the beginning or he was just a loser after a quick f**k.
If you want to catch a guy, you need to take your heart with you on all of your dates. Stop dating like a man, stop playing the heartless game even if you are good at it, you are betraying your own heart - making her sit at home in a cupboard.
But I feel you also need to employ a couple of things - the father figure inside of you - imagine if you had a wonderful father and he held a space of don’t you dare fuck with my daughter, but you held this type of space for yourself until you knew whether that this man was worthy of your heart and your pussy. And only when the man has proven himself as a quality gentleman and he asks for your hand (and when I say that he implies he wants to really be in relationship with you) do you surrender yourself to him. If we are to be selfish sufficient women, let’s put it to good use and protect our glorious hearts, until he proves himself.
And I don’t mean to be a bitchy ball removing woman. But to find your own inner nobility so that this guy must become noble as well, to date you.
And the other thing that you employ is the really honest feedback of your good girlfriends. If you have dated the guy a couple of times and you think you might like him then get your girlfriends to give him the once over. In a couple of minutes they can honestly tell you whether he is a good one. You wont be able to, because you will fool yourself.
I will say that again - WOMAN LIKE TO FOOL THEMSELVES.
And talk to your women friends about the fact that it is not better to go out with someone that is a jerk rather than no-one. Often women will say he is a nice guy because they want you to be happy and in a relationship rather than not.
I also, hope that you can find a way within yourself to hold your heart’s desire for love, with kinder eyes - ‘needy’ isn’t a kind word. Your heart sat patiently at home while you lured him in and caught him and then your heart ran out of the cupboard you had her stashed in - to gush all over him. Because somewhere along the line you learned to sell your soul, to get what you want. Your actions are selling your heart short. You’ve put your feminine heart aside for the game.
Women’s heart and pussies are connected, men’s are not.
So if you open your pussy to a man, your heart will open to him. And if you open your heart to a man, your pussy will too.
I wish men understood that about women and I wished men cared enough about women’s hearts and sex to not just use them for their own heartless spontaneous pleasure.
Love
Liana
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